Worst “Tinder” Story

The latest starts when I swiped right on ‘Tinder’ on a guy a few months ago. He wasn’t a particularly good-looking person, he had these weird goatish features I even said he reminded me of Wilbur Whateley from the Dunwich Horror, but he had a funny and sarcastic (I thought) bio description and I decided to give it a go. He immediately began conversation with me.

You know that feeling of not being able to assess someone’s personality because all the hints they give you seem very contradictory? This was it. He would explain to me how smart he was while his arguing skills were weak at best, and his knowledge of things seemed very focused on certain niche subjects. Still I was intrigued, sadly I’m a very curious person and it bothered me very profoundly that I couldn’t understand this guy.

We went on a date, I told him I don’t like to walk during dates, I’d much prefer sitting down and drink coffee, he told me he liked the exact opposite. I agreed with him that we would do both so none would be unhappy. We met.

(me)“So, mind stopping somewhere to drink coffee?”

(him)“Nah, lets walk.”

“But… we agreed that we would walk and drink a coffee, so… what gives?”

*Smiles* “yeah we did. Let’s go to downtown”

So we walked, and walked and walked. Look I practice martial arts and try my best to go to the gym everyday. My body is constantly tired because of my bad habits like smoking and eating too much and this idiot decided that since he spent the whole day at home we could just walk some kilometers, without any care for how I was feeling.

The date was over for me after those first seconds. Sadly I would have to keep smelling for a few more hours the rotting carcass of what was supposed to be a date.

There was no way to shut this guy up.

As we walked and I was sure my legs would crumble at any second, he talked, and talked and talked and talked. About what, you might ask? Himself. I had to hear him talk about himself, his likes, his dislikes, his experiences and his emotions for HOURS – and I can tell you this, NONE of these topics were remotely interesting, no great life stories, no controversial opinions, no passions… Every time I tried to put my two cents in the conversation he would cut me short and ramble about something related to him.

I withdrew myself more and more from the conversation until we were sitting on a bench and he just kept talking non-stop about himself without even realizing I was long gone, my mind was elsewhere already.

This particular part of the conversation may help you realize what an egotistical douchebag he is:

(me) “So, you told me you like to learn languages”

(him) “Oh yeah, I know Arabic and a few other languages, it’s really an amazing language I took only three months to understand the basics if I had to talk to someone blah blah blah blah”

“Wait, so you learned Arabic? How good are you at it?”

“Well I never finished the course, I was there for like 5 months but I do know how to speak it I’m very good at learning my ability to learn is amazing, like I’ve said (like 50 times already) I’m extremely smart, I learn better than normal people. I decided to learn Arab because I like niches very much.”

After many, many self-indulgence he said “We’ve been no this date for hours but I haven’t learned anything about you…” NO SHIT MATE, I can’t even gasp for air without you telling me how amazing you are at breathing.

Honestly even writing this I still feel pissed off because this guy was so hopelessly annoying and egoistical, It was one of those dates that made me feel like pummeling the guy’s face with punches and never look back.

Later he would send me a few messages and I completely Ignored him because I just had ran out of energy.


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