There are two things that almost any Richmonder will ask the moment you arrive within the city limits: “Do you want a beer?” (usually as it’s being placed in your hand) and “Do you want to go to the river?” Should you agree, you’ll most likely be taken down through the woods and over slippery rocks taunting you with skull fractures.
The James River is a destination for nearly anyone who comes to the city, and rightfully so. It’s a beautiful body of water that’s inspired countless country songs and inspirational metal epics. But, if you end up going to the wrong part of the river, you’ll be surrounded by wandering children, angry dads, and the shitty task of walking for more than half a mile to find a free patch of land. This is also a surefire way to accidentally end up getting hit by stray footballs and having your shoes stolen by tweens.
If you head to the river with the younger locals, you’ll most likely be going to Texas Beach. Even though the name is a bit of a misnomer (poison ivy, thorns, broken glass, and not so much sand), it’s the perfect place to lie around on a giant rock with a 40 and become dangerously dehydrated. Brave souls are welcome to swim, though the water is notoriously disgusting and in a rough current you can get sucked downstream.